Poneglyph of a coffee lover - コーヒー好きのPoneglyph。

Anytime from now,
doctors will perform a surgery on my dad.
High-risk surgery, semi-critical.

Best of luck, dad.

I stay in Kampar.
Parents stay in Taiping.
I decided to stay instead of following them,
demonstrating that I'm against their new place.
I once almost win my family back by set out a new place to rent.
Owner returned my deposit and he changed his mind about renting his property to us,
as expected.

My personality changed dramatically.
Depression.
I'm losing the human touch in me.
I'm envy of people's achievements, jealous of people's good life.
As I wrote in my previous entries,
I expected myself that someday I'll turn to heartless.
I can say it's quite true since I'm feeling the progress now.
When the right time comes, I'm going to be completely evil.
By then I might being 'crazy' at the moment.
I hope something happened beforehand to stop me from being insane,
but I rather choose 'evil' over depression.

I never felt this heavy.
I'm busy lobbying and submit my documents this whole week.
First week without my family around,
I reminded myself to wake up as a totally different person before I sleep.
I don't know where I got those courages to go here and there lobbying,
meeting new people for the sake of my new business that I might doing it soon.
It's like, I don't feel nervous or anything.
The feeling came naturally into me, giving me courageous to face everything.
Suddenly, today, the courage has shattered.
I'm on a phase like every entrepreneurs face,
a stage that suddenly scared to perform the leap of faith.
I am suddenly scared.
It's no joke, it require lots of money.
This project is proposed by my dad, and his supports.
In case if I failed, we're screwed since that's the only money that we have.
What am I doing are totally a new industry.
We're not an expertise, we're just business-minded & we got no skills at all.
What we're doing is the poultry farming.
Got an offer about a land and the rent is quite expensive.
3 acres and we're totally shorts of capital to push 3 acres straight.
I might revise about this and might go only for 1 acre first, if they're willing.
Still in the initial reference for the permit, and next is for the license.
We will finalize it with the suppliers about the livestocks,
before proceed to build and rent the place,
and I am scared.

I'm a bit happy since my dad dropped by here since yesterday.
Thanks.

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