Poneglyph of a coffee lover - コーヒー好きのPoneglyph。

A week ago, Michael was leaving me to continue his study elsewhere. Right after he left, I cried for hours. It puts me straight into my depressed state and I had a fever for a few days. A week later, which is today, I am finally recovered from both illnesses. Honestly, I didn't expect that a sad emotion can cause fever. Now I have to focus on my own, on how to leave this place, as I no longer like this place. I have to gain some money, I have to move out, bring my entire family back to our old place and start a new life. Living here is no good at all. Less to none facilities, working opportunity, love life, etc. I only reside here, but I don't live my life in here. I've had enough. What should I do next? To finish what I started first, the land job. Then I can worry about something else.Honestly, lack of motivation played a big part in this. I'm extremely lazy to do this. But I can't be myself. If I wanted to change for good, I have to change my bad habits. I'm clueless, and I really need a help right now. Someday I will be able to make my own money, will buy a house in my old area and will start a new life. God, please help me. I want to change. I want to be the best. 

I have won some of my battles.
I managed to get a retirement plan for my dad.
The house thing is done, we don't need to move.
We just simply re-enter the house. 
It came with a bit of a disadvantage of course; additional 50 bucks on the rent.
Slow progress on the land job. 
I have sold one of my cars; less one headache.

I handled most of my household problems with most of the jobs too. 
Lately, my tolerate barrier has been off due to the pressures. 
I hate to say this, but right now, I am a very angry person and have so much hatred towards people.
I have lost quite a huge amount of positivity inside of me. 
I started seeing by handling my family's responsibility is such a pain in the ass. 
It is. I don't even rest. It's too tiring. 

What scares me the most is, if this shit keeps coming, I will cast away the nice Izzy and this bastard will take over my body instead. The positivity in me is leaked. I really need a help right now.

I just got back.
I decided to write this as this excites me. 
As you know, I'm an observer.
I read people sometimes. Not saying that I am good, but can say that I'm an amateur. 

The story is like this.

A few hours ago, I went outside with a friend of mine, to chill and enjoy the Saturday night as the other people do (I rarely go out and enjoy Saturday night). This friend of mine noticed that his wallet is missing from his pocket. Since he could tell where did he drop it, he rushed there and crossed paths with someone that looks suspicious to me. I quickly look at him, saw his unusual behavior.
He acted suspiciously by keeping things in his bag and I noticed his walking pace,
which is quite faster than those normal people do. When he noticed that I'm keeping my eyes on him, he avoided eye contacts. At this moment, I already knew, this guy is the one who took the wallet. Judging by his size, I know he can sprint. So, I decided to be careful and don't want to alarm him; he might run and I know I won't be able to catch him if he did. My friend is few meters away from us. I let this guy walk past me as I'm actually not confident enough to accuse him. I want to call my friend, but he is too far. While waiting for him to come back to me, I keep my eyes on the target. This friend of mine distracted me when he came to me, and I lose my sight on the guy. I am so close to catching this guy, unfortunately, he escaped and I couldn't predict where this guy headed. He might blend himself with the crowds; or walk behind something. Honestly, I don't know how can he disappear so fast. We headed home after making a police report. 


Since I can do the profiling for the first time, I would like to say that I should have to trust myself. I'm losing my confidence to accuse him since I doubted my skill and I'm not familiar with the profiling. Having the power alone to read people is not enough. If I have the guts, I can stop him. If I'm an excellent talker, I can reveal him with words alone. If I know how to cold reading him, I might know if he's the one. I'm going to review this situation deeply and will improve myself. I won't let the same mistake again happen in the future.