Poneglyph of a coffee lover - コーヒー好きのPoneglyph。

I haven't posted any entries last month.
I'm getting busy in here!
I did some blog walking before and noticed that they put their Twitter/FB/IG
just in case someone want to catch up things with the blogger,
and I feel bad for not giving out my contact information.
Take this and let's connect with each other :) 

Recently I've watched a video named Are You A Coward? 3 Warning Signs. 
I learned about my cowardly behavior. Apparently, all of the signs are correct.
I let myself being abused by rationally saying it's only temporary.
The truth is, the more everything I take it slide by telling myself this,
the more I learned to be a helpless and more of a coward I am becoming.

The second sign is by saying sorry for the smallest thing.
Maybe saying sorry to calm them down even though it's not my fault,
apology is a pathway to cowardliness.
It shows that I'm having a low self-esteem too! 

The third sign is I started sacrificing my own happiness and goals to other people's happiness and goals.
Stop and focus own my own happiness and life. 

Sadly, I misinterpreted this video and becoming more rude, selfish and easily annoyed by anything.
I learned the hard way about controlling my anger.
I'm pissed over my phone's problem, hence I threw it hard on the ground.
The phone is shattered and now I don't even have a phone! =))
I can't undo my action.
What's done is done.
It makes me wonder, I
kept throwing harsh words to the other people,
I wonder if they're shattered like my phone screen too? 
If I did it,
I knew I can't undo the damage in their hearts; like I can't undo the damage on my phone.
Hence, I took it as a lesson; something that taught me by the hard way.
I am an idiot =))
I don't even have money to buy a new phone.
Not to mention that I won't be able to pay for my internet bills too!
I won't have my internet soon, probably today, or tomorrow.
Who knows.
It served me right. 

About my business, I was supposed to meet my mentor last week,
but I couldn't manage to meet him.
I found that it's quite inappropriate to meet him during this month
since it's Ramadhan and people are spending most of their night to worship.
Well, I guess, I'm totally going to be jobless this month.
I can't do my part-time job during this month because I'm fasting.
I'm losing my car (it won't start and I don't have the money to repair it), my phone (totally destroyed) and my internet soon. 

I'm weak, I know. I realized that.
I'm just a piece of shit right now, but I haven't given up yet! :)

I'm not sure whether I've talked about this before or not.... do you remember Hana?
Since we've known each other in 2015, I dreamed about her quite a lot.
I don't remember when exactly my first and second dream,
the 3rd dream is in 31 August 2015, and the recent dream about her,
the 28th dream, was yesterday; 3 April 2017.

My recent dream and the previous one are quite related. 
(27th) 1 April - We're supposed to meet at the random event, but turns out we didn't.
(28th) 3 April - I'm playing basketball and didn't expect her to wait for me at the courtside.
Right after I saw her, I ran to her and kissed her while she's laying on the bags.
The kissing part is quite realistic, and I enjoyed it.

But the problem is, I don't understand why I dreamed about her often.
I guess it's probably because I really like her, huh?
I was crying super hard in moments ago. 
I acknowledge that I am weak. 
The gap between a dream and a reality is too thick. 
Is she the one?