Poneglyph of a coffee lover - コーヒー好きのPoneglyph。

I never felt this heavy.
I'm busy lobbying and submit my documents this whole week.
First week without my family around,
I reminded myself to wake up as a totally different person before I sleep.
I don't know where I got those courages to go here and there lobbying,
meeting new people for the sake of my new business that I might doing it soon.
It's like, I don't feel nervous or anything.
The feeling came naturally into me, giving me courageous to face everything.
Suddenly, today, the courage has shattered.
I'm on a phase like every entrepreneurs face,
a stage that suddenly scared to perform the leap of faith.
I am suddenly scared.
It's no joke, it require lots of money.
This project is proposed by my dad, and his supports.
In case if I failed, we're screwed since that's the only money that we have.
What am I doing are totally a new industry.
We're not an expertise, we're just business-minded & we got no skills at all.
What we're doing is the poultry farming.
Got an offer about a land and the rent is quite expensive.
3 acres and we're totally shorts of capital to push 3 acres straight.
I might revise about this and might go only for 1 acre first, if they're willing.
Still in the initial reference for the permit, and next is for the license.
We will finalize it with the suppliers about the livestocks,
before proceed to build and rent the place,
and I am scared.

I'm a bit happy since my dad dropped by here since yesterday.

So the incident about my family moving to Taiping,
I really can't blame anyone.
Seems like my mom and my grandmother had a misunderstading among themselves.
I have reached my limit about this so I asked my grandmother a very sensitive question;
"Why you hate my mom?"
Grandma started crying.
My grandmother doesn't hate my mom at all.
It's just that she don't know how to communicate well and she's not into my mom's cooking.
She's actually don't want us to leave.
I know both of them well.
My mom is totally touchy over something small,
while my grandmother is a controlling-type.

Seriously, over something small?
You both leave me in headache and confusion state.
I'm in dilemma whether to stay in Kampar or Taiping.
Now I'm tired going around Kampar area looking for a rented-available house.
Plenty of empty houses but no contact numbers.
Got available houses nearby but expensive monthly fees.
I really feel like want to smack everyone.

If I stay in Kampar I can't take care of my family that is in Taiping,
maybe can only visit them once in a while.
If I stay in Taiping then I have to start over,
and will moving again soon as well (which is waste of time),
but at least can take care of my family.
I don't know when can I do my work and where...?
I really hope I found a house nearby here with affordable monthy fees,
so I can reunite with my family.
You both really are.. (*`Д')

Let's give myself a few days to settle things.
We see how it goes.

So I decided to stay in my current place,
leaving my family in their new place.
I'm going to visit them probably every weekends if I got time for that.
Right now I'm with my dad in Kampar.
Start on tonight after my dad left,
I will be alone, without my family around.